unique

i hate the fact that you still cross my mind from time to time. and even worse, that when you do my heart instantly aches. i hate that when a sad song bleeds through my speakers, your face is all that i see. and when my family brings up your name, it's like a stab in the gut. a sharp pain that this is all real. that everything i had felt for you was real. it's throbbing as the realization that we planned forever together comes back to me. yes this is all real. it really did happen didn't it? and i want to forget. i need to forget. all that was said, all that was done, all that was felt. i hate that reminder. please don't say his name! please stop twisting the knife. it hurts, almost unbearable. i can't stand that you had so much of me that it continues to bring tears to my eyes. i despise the urge i get sometimes, to call you. and i feel so weak when i give in and do. and it stings when you never answer, like a hive that is kicked to the ground filled with rejection and hurt. quit stinging me. i wonder sometimes what if you did answer? what would i say? why am i calling? do i just want to hear your voice? am i seeking reassurance that maybe your not over me either? possibly. but why does it matter anyways. i know i don't want you like that ever again.maybe because when i lost you, i lost a big chunk of me. and even though I'm moving on and i met someone possibly wonderful.... falling for him brings our late love back to the surface, and puts  you on my mind. not when i am with him, but a part. i question what is love really. what are the characteristics or the criteria for two people to be in love? is it what we had before everything fell a part? or is it something entirely different? maybe no two people can have a love like before. because no two people are the same. for instance i will never love him like i loved you. perhaps love is unmeasurable... its not that i loved you more but i love him different. yes that makes sense. all love is different... unique.