what is wrong with me?

i should be doubting wheter or not we should even be together not daydreaming about us getting our first home together but i can't stop though. i see a shit hole where we're painting the walls and cleaning the carpets. goodwill shopping and attempting to plant some flowers or something. i see us in our kitchen attemptimg to cook. come here.... learn with me.. kiss me in our home...

trust

I want to kiss you, but i don't.
i want to trust everything you say
but when i've allowed myself to completely trust you before
you have proven me wrong.

ouch

why is it always the simple things that seem so sad... like you rubbing your hands up and down my arms in an effort to warm me up...... or your simple smile that was so blissfully happy.... just your face, the image of me making you laugh is so devastatingly sad..... it makes me want to cry... you know me.... you knew everything i wanted in life.... even now, i feel like i need you.... you always knew how to comfort me best.... but now i feel lost.... with no direction.... somebody find me a compass.... i wish  you were here....so you could hold my stomach like you used to..... i don't feel like i'm holding it together like i need to be.... you were my glue..holding me together... now i'm falling a part while i'm trying to duck tape my pieces back together.... and it scares me... that sometimes i want to drive all the way to you just for one long, exaggerated hug... that i want so badly to hold onto forever but i know i can't have it all back.... stop crying megan.... ouch

cold front

baby it's cold outside
and it feels so good right here
right now, with your arms wrapped around me
in my room, I'm my bed
your love drapes over me
like a blanket
but not a very thick blanket
one that is barely covering my feet
I'm not as warm as i need to be
baby I'm still cold
I'm fighting to stay warm
i curl my body into a ball
depending on my own body heat to keep me warm
maybe i was wrong
maybe love is measurable
you love me now a little bit
but you don't love me as much as you will
maybe a few months from now
there goes that chill in my heart again
next time you come into my bed
you should bring an ice pick with you
i can't love half way
its not in my nature
but i can adapt
I'll buy a warm jacket
adjust to this cold front
just don't expect much more from me

unique

i hate the fact that you still cross my mind from time to time. and even worse, that when you do my heart instantly aches. i hate that when a sad song bleeds through my speakers, your face is all that i see. and when my family brings up your name, it's like a stab in the gut. a sharp pain that this is all real. that everything i had felt for you was real. it's throbbing as the realization that we planned forever together comes back to me. yes this is all real. it really did happen didn't it? and i want to forget. i need to forget. all that was said, all that was done, all that was felt. i hate that reminder. please don't say his name! please stop twisting the knife. it hurts, almost unbearable. i can't stand that you had so much of me that it continues to bring tears to my eyes. i despise the urge i get sometimes, to call you. and i feel so weak when i give in and do. and it stings when you never answer, like a hive that is kicked to the ground filled with rejection and hurt. quit stinging me. i wonder sometimes what if you did answer? what would i say? why am i calling? do i just want to hear your voice? am i seeking reassurance that maybe your not over me either? possibly. but why does it matter anyways. i know i don't want you like that ever again.maybe because when i lost you, i lost a big chunk of me. and even though I'm moving on and i met someone possibly wonderful.... falling for him brings our late love back to the surface, and puts  you on my mind. not when i am with him, but a part. i question what is love really. what are the characteristics or the criteria for two people to be in love? is it what we had before everything fell a part? or is it something entirely different? maybe no two people can have a love like before. because no two people are the same. for instance i will never love him like i loved you. perhaps love is unmeasurable... its not that i loved you more but i love him different. yes that makes sense. all love is different... unique.

Fate

life sucks most of the time
and that's why God created  you
to make mine not so bad
you are the joy
and the happiness
that God had planned for me
it wasn't just coincidence that we met
it was a well thought out, strategic plan
that was executed to the fullest
and even though our relationship has been clouded
with age, race, cultures, families..
or mis believed perceptions
just look at where we are today
in this moment; we're good
and honey its only going to get better
because the sky's are clearing
and everything is coming more into focus
i mean.. whats ten years compared to forever
whats color really?
aren't they just reflections of lights or something like that?
so yours is dark and mine is light
so what? Zebras seem to make it work
so could we
and what does it matter where we came from anyways?
all that really matters is where we're going
forget what everybody says
all that matters is what we say; what we think;
what we feel
and all of the bad stuff
just seems so minor in the big scheme of things.
this is real, right here, right now
what we have is real
so lets just do it
lets take this all the way
lets spend the rest of our lives
exploring what true happiness is
i've never been so sure
i don't want to waste it

to the best man i know

boy your like the moon
the light that leads people
in a world so filled with darkness
and the stars are like your admirers
they are the many people
you have ever touched in your lifetime
did you realize that you left behind your light?
inside of them?
boy your love is like the universe
never ending; limitless
everyone gravitaties around your love
it's truely beautiful
boy you never cease to amaze me
i wish that i could explain to you
the way you make me feel
but i never could
to me you feel like...
a nice hot shower
after a long hard workout in the winter
or perhaps
a nice cool breeze in the summertime
relieving me from the heat
boy your like milk
which compliments my cookie
satisfying
yes, i am your oreo
and you are my milk
your like a long awaited phone call
delievering the exact news i want to hear
boy your like the soup
that soothes my sore throught
or the blanket
thats like a shield
protecting and fighting for me
to keep me warm; comfortable; safe
and just hearing your voice
makes everything better
even if its just a few seconds
in those seconds you seem to heal all my problems
and even though it's a temporary fix
it's what i need
your what i need
i need your love,
your comfort,
your warmth,
your support,
your motivation,
your light,
our friendship
without you i would be
incomplete
you compliment me
make me into a person that i'm not ashamed of
boy don't ever leave my side
because your like the moon
it would be impossible to survive
if you were gone