what is wrong with me?

i should be doubting wheter or not we should even be together not daydreaming about us getting our first home together but i can't stop though. i see a shit hole where we're painting the walls and cleaning the carpets. goodwill shopping and attempting to plant some flowers or something. i see us in our kitchen attemptimg to cook. come here.... learn with me.. kiss me in our home...

trust

I want to kiss you, but i don't.
i want to trust everything you say
but when i've allowed myself to completely trust you before
you have proven me wrong.

ouch

why is it always the simple things that seem so sad... like you rubbing your hands up and down my arms in an effort to warm me up...... or your simple smile that was so blissfully happy.... just your face, the image of me making you laugh is so devastatingly sad..... it makes me want to cry... you know me.... you knew everything i wanted in life.... even now, i feel like i need you.... you always knew how to comfort me best.... but now i feel lost.... with no direction.... somebody find me a compass.... i wish  you were here....so you could hold my stomach like you used to..... i don't feel like i'm holding it together like i need to be.... you were my glue..holding me together... now i'm falling a part while i'm trying to duck tape my pieces back together.... and it scares me... that sometimes i want to drive all the way to you just for one long, exaggerated hug... that i want so badly to hold onto forever but i know i can't have it all back.... stop crying megan.... ouch

cold front

baby it's cold outside
and it feels so good right here
right now, with your arms wrapped around me
in my room, I'm my bed
your love drapes over me
like a blanket
but not a very thick blanket
one that is barely covering my feet
I'm not as warm as i need to be
baby I'm still cold
I'm fighting to stay warm
i curl my body into a ball
depending on my own body heat to keep me warm
maybe i was wrong
maybe love is measurable
you love me now a little bit
but you don't love me as much as you will
maybe a few months from now
there goes that chill in my heart again
next time you come into my bed
you should bring an ice pick with you
i can't love half way
its not in my nature
but i can adapt
I'll buy a warm jacket
adjust to this cold front
just don't expect much more from me