i want you to feel like me and want to fall asleep to the melody of my beating heart. i want you to want to learn the song that my heart is playing for you. our love is new, unknown, unexplored, and all that i want is for you to want to explore it with me, to see our potential to become a whole. where are hearts could become a duet instead of a lonely solo. and i feel a desire from you occasionally but its very inconsistent. sometimes i feel strung along and very hurt to the point where i am wondering why i bother, but i see your heart and i know its good and despite the feelings of hurt and unreliability, i still want to trust you. despite my better judgement. i want to believe that i am the only girl that your interested in, but your actions tell me otherwise for the most part. it kills me inside that you wont let me into that place where i can really see and understand you. i know i could be more than your Rosa and Elizabeth. i honestly feel i can love you a thousand times more than they ever did. i want to make up for all the love that you missed out on. from your absent father to your inconsistent mother and everybody in between. i don't know why you make me feel this way but you do. we're almost strangers practically and its scary to me that i feel this way because not even with any of my exes have i wanted to try so hard. i want to date you. i want to learn you. i want to make you happy, and i wish i felt more of these feelings form you but instead all i feel is you being more apathetic than anything. like you keep me around so you know that you have somebody there but it hurts my feelings because i feel like you only like me when its convenient for you to. i work too, i get tired but when i like someone its all the time... not just when its convenient for me to.
i want to not care as much. i want to not like you as much. i really want to be okay with you not liking me as much and standing me up and having other girls in your room late at night. it doesn't really work though. i don't want to cry over you. i don't want to get upset when you don't text me for a couple of days, or we don't see each other for a whole week. i don't want to want to lay and sleep with you every night and wake up to your beautiful face every morning. but i do.
i want to share blankets and cold feet. i want our kisses to mean more than just what a kiss is. i want me in your arms to overwhelm you. i want to watch our favorite movies and sing all our favorite songs together. i want to comfort you when your feeling down. i want us to be each others sunlight and brighten each others worlds. i want to call you love and know when you call me baby that i know its more than just a word. i want all these things and more but i really don't want to want them. i want to feel like you and take this all lightly. know that my feelings aren't that great and i could walk away at any point and not feel saddened by anything that we had or could have had. my only hurtle is trying to figure out how to trick myself into really feeling this. and although i think about you everyday and i want you more than anything, i will find a way to get over that and just be friends who occasionally sleep together.
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